Friday, January 13, 2012

I’m ranting :)

Dear diary,

Its Friday night. Black Friday night. How was your day? I bet you must be angry with me because I have been neglecting you for too long. I had a bad day. And I realize at the end of the day, you are always the one who will accompany me through thick and thin. Forever alone? Well, I do have friends, but how many close true friends? The one who can share my problem, listen to me, and giving me neutral advices. I am glad that I still have some, and truly appreciate their presence throughout my life. Without them, I am not who I am now.

Did I mention I had a bad day? I had only 2 hours sleep because I was so upset. I sobbed in the room when everyone was sleeping. Friends were sleeping. I was so lucky to have beloved cousin R to be with me. He made me feel that I’m not alone. Relatives has been saying we two are just like twins. Probably because of same age, same school, I do love him very much. Although we are now studying in different places, I am so touched that he is always there whenever I feel down and need to talk. He is no longer the little boy that I used to grow up with. He is a big boy now, having doubts in his life and going through toughest time in his life at the moment. I am sorry that I cant make him feel any better. His problems are really hard to handle. What I can do is only lend a listening ear. 

Sometimes, don’t you just upset over what people think of you? People might be asking you not to care, but you knew you can’t do that. I guess is nature not to not care about how people think of you. I reflect myself, tried to improve but things seems didn’t get any better. Not once, not twice, not thrice, but countless times. The best solution for now seems like is to hide feelings and emotions. sigh. What makes me feel even more sad is when people don’t keep their promise anymore. Or am I the only one who still believe in this? Dumb girl. I deserved a big slap for this. Talking to people only made me feel that I was so stupid especially when someone said, ‘Don’t tell me you actually trust people and tell them what you actually feel?’ At this time, I feel like the dumbest brainless girl in the world.

I used to like blogging. So touched and happy when people tell me they read my blog and they like it.It definitely motivated me to spend more time and keep up the blog. Not until friends started talking bad about me. Just got really upset about rumours. If you have question about me, don’t you just come ask me instead of talking bad behind? If it is true, I will never hide. Do you people just enjoying discussing about others that much? Oh I think the answer is yes. I never thought that I can be the topic of a discussion one day wtf. For a bad cause of course. Should I feel honoured now or what? I think I care too much on how people look at me which is unhealthy in a way.

Talked to dearies and found that my personality really got something wrong. My mind set is wrong.I get upset when people ignoring me, when people talking bad about me, when people looking down on me. You realized the problem? My problem came from others around me.  Is natural to feel upset but not too upset. Maybe I should just smile and walk away *flick hair* My day got worse when people I care doesn’t care anymore. Time to let go sweetheart. I have to made up my mind and be firm on my stand. The same thing has been failed for few times. Will I success this time?

It has been ages since I last wrote a wordy entry in this blog. This post is meaningless and just wasted probably 5 minutes of your life. Normally I prefer to write in my own diary. But this time, I just want to take the chance to say that because I was really upset.

People, if you have problem or question with me, please ask me directly instead of talking behind.


Goodnight world :)


  1. Ye doing fine don worry

  2. Lots of hugs !!!

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  4. don't have to care about how others think about you, just be yourself will do. dont be sad! gambateh!! :)

  5. cheer up ya :) you still have us around... Smile

  6. Be happy Im still reading ur blog. Keep it up, we will support u!


  7. Just came over from FB, didn't know this side of you. It's okay to be weak. But do not punish friends who are with you for what others have done to you, and stay true to yourself cos that's what your friends want anyway. If you keep correcting yourself based on what everyone says, what sort of person will you be in the end? People pleaser, or the opposite of that?

    All of that doesn't matter. Post more things like this, let people hear what you think inside, and people will connect. I did. As for the rest of them haters- haters will be haters, can't please them one. Leave them and celebrate your inner peace :)

  8. Thank you everyone <3

    spinzer: thanks for your advice. it made me feel better :)